What Hopes Are Left In A Broken Heart
by A Girl Named Truth
Summary: At first it was just looking up whenever he’d walk past. Then making sure he was near him at every possible moment. Then, and this is the mistake he made, he secured himself into the best friend spot. *ONESHOT*


**Title:** What Hopes Are Left In A Broken Heart.**  
Fandom:** The Mighty Boosh**  
Pairing:** Howard/Vince**  
Rating:** G**  
Summary:** At first it was just looking up whenever he'd walk past. Then making sure he was near him at every possible moment. Then, and this is the mistake he made, he secured himself into the best friend spot.**  
A/N:** I have to listen to the party playlist for my best friends party next week. It's really not my type of music at all, it's all R&B and what's apparently called "Grime" anyways I started writing to pass the time and this is what came from it.** Reviews are pure love!  
Disclaimer:** The mighty Noel & Julian own The Mighty Boosh.

What Hopes Are Left In A Broken Heart.

He didn't know when it started, it wasn't like he'd just woken up next day and had all these feelings. No, it was much more gradual. At first it was just looking up whenever he'd walk past. Then making sure he was near him at every possible moment. Then, and this is the mistake he made, he secured himself into the best friend spot. It was great at first, just like heaven, he'd see him everyday and sleep in the same room as him. He'd be made tea and offered biscuits by him. He'd hear his secrets, his hopes, his dreams. He'd give advice and he'd get that warm feeling. Then he had to help him with a woman, he don't know why he pretended he didn't care when it felt like someone had set fire to his heart and not in the good way. How had he completely skipped over his love and fallen for some other woman? Why not him? She couldn't even remember his name for Christ sakes. Why not him, he'd been there all along. He'd learned his name on his first day. But he did it anyway, he gave advice, he listened to poems about her, he even tried to set them up one time. It was a complete failure and the selfish voice in his head was over the moon when she turned him down. Yeah, it does sound harsh but then it meant that he'd realise that he was truly loved by someone else, not by her. Only he didn't realise, he moped, cried into her fishpond and just kept on loving her. In the end he realised Howard was never going to love him, it'd always be Ms Gideon. So he gave up. Sure the feelings were there, stronger than ever, but now Vince just let them lie there occasionally flaring up when he was being exceptionally nice to him or when he was once again heartbroken by Ms Gideon. Howard wasn't really heartbroken by her, heartbroken is when your heart just stops. Stops hoping. Heartbroken is watching the one you love feel the same feelings for someone else. All the time Howard spent thinking about what he could have with Gideon just made Vince think 'doesn't he see he could have that with me if he wanted it' but that just made him think 'but he'd rather have someone who doesn't even remember him for a minute'. Whereas Vince would never forget him for a minute, not even a second.

-x-

He'd sit on the bench with him, fiddling with something, his boots, whatever he had in his hands at the time, his hair maybe, and just imagine that it wasn't work. He'd imagine that they were at a zoo in the role of visitors, a couple even, who had just stopped for a cuppa and a random chat. That's what these chats were on the surface, completely random, but Vince had a way of innocently gathering information. When Howard was going on about his latest harebrained scheme to be a pioneer in whatever was his specialised subject at the time. He's always ask what would happen to him if he went through it. It was always nice to hear that he'd still be needed even if it was only in the capacity of being Howard's best friend. It's the hardest place to be, you know, the best friend. It's like seeing everything that you want in a room but you can only look through a window. You have to stand outside, you can see but there's no way in, there's no closer you can get, that door is closed.

-x-

A morning, just like any other, highlighted the pain once. He was working as usual, cutting up food he remembers, and in comes Howard.

"Ms Gideon ring for me today?" Howard asked.

That was how a typical day started, with her. It was like she'd taken up half his brain. As if she cared about him.

"As if she's going to ring for you!" the selfish part of him lashed out, laughing before the part of him that really did care for Howard sent a pang of guilt through him. "Oh, I mean….she might do?"

Then the routine would continue with Howard going into one, doubting himself and calling himself some variation of stupid. Vince would then have to be the one to bring him out of that, assure him that Ms Gideon was bound to like him. After all how could she not. That part was always kept in Vince's head though.

Next would come the cream poem, Howard's chosen way of declaring his love. Vince would never tell him that he'd tried to write one about Howard, it was an epic fail, but he had tried. It was things like these that if Howard spent too long on, the envy would start to build up inside him and he'd have to stop the dairy gesture of love before he either cried or threw up. He harshly interrupted this one with the blender. Howard would just think he wasn't listening, not that he was imagining it was being recited to him instead.

-x-

When Howard died, even though it wasn't real, it gave Vince a sense of what it would be like if he just gave up, just severed all ties he had to this man who had completely changed his world. And as upset as he was it was a relief. Given the chance he'd never want Howard out of his life but it was a couple of hours without the constant reminder of what he wanted most. He proved that when Howard came back to haunt him, as soon as he knew it was possible, he brought Howard back to him.

-x-

Just as he though giving up completely, all hope of them ever being more than friends was fading, he nearly had it. He nearly had everything he'd ever wanted. They were moments from being killed admittedly but he'd never been happier than after Howard had said those few short sentences, especially those few short words. He was so taken aback he'd laughed, he was that happy, finally the moment had come. Howard however didn't see that, he got all defensive.

"Well I'm telling you I love you and you're laughing at me"

"Well, I love you."

"You don't love me."

"I do!"

"You're just saying that coz I said it to you. It doesn't work. It doesn't mean anything."

"No, I love you"

"No, you don't"

It probably would have go on like that for hours, now Vince had his chance he wasn't going to let it drop easily. Of course bloody Bainbridge had to go and ruin it, ruin the moment. He would have said it again but they got distracted by fighting for their lives. After that, they got distracted by needing to get back to the zoo. By the time they got to the zoo it had been forgotten, by Howard at least.

-x-

After that the hope did die. Vince knew he had a great friend in Howard and that would have to be enough. Still that short time where he actually thought Howard was telling him he loved him was the best few minutes he could remember. But it was only because he thought they were about to be killed and like Howard said that didn't work, that didn't mean anything, not to Howard. In a way that makes it his worst memory as well. Being built up and knocked back again. Next time anything like that happened he'd remember that feeling, he'd deny his feelings and deny Howard's as well. He didn't want that feeling again.

That's why when he was sat on a rooftop in the cold one night he made the new biggest mistake of his life and once again he only saw it too late and by then it was gone.


End file.
